FINDING AND RESCUING OUR DISOWNED SELVES
A Green Rite

Introduction:

All too often, life is a process whereby we learn to despise and disown parts of ourselves as being unlovable and unworthy of even being. The foregoing is an attempt to discover one such part in the dirty, discarded part of our psyche and befriend it. It was once at one with ourselves. What made it unacceptable?

The Rite:

0. Statement of Intent: It is my will to find and love my disowned self.

1. Guided Meditation: Close your eyes. Count backwards from 10 to 1, going deeper with every count. We find ourselves in a lovely forest. Down a short path is a castle. We enter the castle and begin exploring. It is a fine castle but, like all castles, it has a dungeon. We explore the castle until we find the dungeon. It can be an old attic or a dank, dark basement. We find the dungeon and feel our flesh creep as we force ourselves to enter. Once inside, we hear a sound. The sound is somehow repellent to us, like the bleating of some absurd animal. We follow the sound and see a little baby wrapped in dirty blankets. The baby is UGLY! UGLY! It is hideous! We want to turn away and go as far as we can from the baby. But its cries follow us and we know we will never be free of that sound, no matter how far we flee so we turn back and confront the ugly little thing. Suddenly, instead of ugliness, we see pain, suffering. The baby's face is contorted with pain. It only appears "ugly" because of its suffering. But we can relieve that suffering. We can nurture the poor little baby. Compassion fills our hearts and we lift the baby. We remove the dirty sheets and clean the poor, neglected little being. We rock hir in our arms and love hir. A wonderful healing takes place in our hearts. We leave the dungeon, holding the baby. We leave the castle and go back up the path where we first entered the forest. We close our eyes and count from 0 to 10.

2. Open your eyes to the temple again. There is clay and cloth. Make a figure which represents the baby for you. It can take a life-like shape or be a sigil, as desired. Do any nurturing type of thing you feel moved to do to this hurt and neglected part of yourself.

3. Optional. Let a pillow represent the Shamegiver. This is the demon who taught you to hate your "baby." It can be a parent, a peer or whomever. Yell, "Take back your shame! 1 don't want it! It's yours, not mine!" The important thing about this part is to express this physically with words and physical action.

4. Banish with laughter!! Ha ha ha aha...

AutonomatriX
Corpus Fecundi Index