There were two statements of intent behind this initiation ritual.
Firstly to identify and eliminate my major restrictions, limitations, and unhealthy obsessions and secondly to create some kind of alignment with my true will. I felt that a proper initiation ritual should somehow kick start me in to another level of existence. From normal human to initiated man.

• fuckeD uP seX

Without a doubt the area that needed the most attention was sex. The experiences of childhood and adolescence had provided me with a hopelessly negative self image, and the sexual encounters that I'd had only managed to reinforce this growing perception of the sex act as something negative and ugly. I had literally become asexual. As if sexual encounters were outside of my range of experience. If I was going to be effective as a magickian, then all of this most definitely had to be sorted out.

My sex drive had turned in upon itself and was manifesting as demons. It was within the interest of these little shite hawks to lock me in to a vicious circle of repression. They would feed from my existing frustration and this stolen energy would allow them grow in to even bigger more persuasive demons, capable of influencing my behaviour at a subconscious level in order to create even more frustration and hence provide them with more food. I was caught in this hideous feedback loop. Artificially created spirits were existing in a symbiotic relationship with my bodymind. To coin a phrase.

I began the initiation process by looking closely at the mechanisms of restriction that were keeping me tied to these unhealthy responses. I produced pages and pages of automatic writing on this subject and emailed the results of these researches to my AX sponsor Aloas Kino. This very act was a liberation. My demons lost considerable power because they were no longer suppressed and shameful secrets. I was openly and candidly writing down all the painful emotional responses and pseudo embarrassing secrets of my life. The things that I thought I didn't want anyone to know. Then sending it all by email to a complete stranger on the other side of the world. I no longer had the option to be restricted by these things because they were now in the public domain.

 

• LaszlO tortureS demonS iN hiS cuT uP machineS

I began to perceive these harmful ego obsessions as actual demonic entities. Viral spirits that have an interdependent vampiric relationship with the host mind. Multi dimensional entities that manifest in this world as thought forms. Particular ways of being that can assail us or assist us in our worldly activities. They are spirits with their own objective validity but their nature is like a computer virus. If the correct codes are discovered, then the demon can be taken apart and re programmed to serve another purpose. An alchemical transmutation.

I photocopied every section of my magickal rekord that referred to repression, restriction, or unresolved life events that I felt uncomfortable with for the period Jan 1998 to Dec 1998. Then applied cut up technique to the text to see what emerged.

Certain secret names and messages were revealed to me in the body of the collapsed and folded text. Wherever two broken words were juxtaposed to form a new barbaric word, and if that new word was surrounded in the text by a large portion of writing relating to a particular obsession or ego hang up that I have. Then that new revealed word would become the secret name of the spirit that was assailing me. I discovered six distinctly different demonic entities in this manner.

I took the secret names that I had learnt and sigilised them. A sigil reduces an obsession or desire to its simplest structure. I attempted to reveal the face of each demon through the technique of automatic drawing. Randomly combining and assembling the letters in each name until I had arrived at a series of composite pictograms that seemed to reveal something about each demons nature.

 

• A grimoirE oF uselesS uglY littlE bastardS

The active demons that I discovered were as follows:

GUOLD
A sex demon who would feed from my frustration and grow bigger, fatter and more powerful, the more repressed, lonely and tormented I became. He was concerned with the propagation of unhealthy and crippling attitudes toward sex.

TACKIROPHE
A demon who would cloud my vision and perception and replace what was really happening with his own twisted fantasies. It was his business to ensure that I confused the menu with the meal at every available opportunity.

IMMAGHT
A demon of the imagination who set limits on what I could create and envision. A sentient barrier that prevented me from accessing my full creative powers.

VERROM
A demon concerned with cutting me off from hedonic experience. He was happy when the weight of the world was on my shoulders to the extent that I was unable to relax and have fun.

CATASTIFEEL
A demon that ruled self image and awkwardness. He would create feelings of incongruity and low self esteem and cut me off from natural charisma.

STRAVHAT
A demon that tied me to the wheel of drudgery. He was the demonic warder charged with the duty of keeping me behind the walls of the black iron prison.

 

• laszlO loveS iT wheN a plaN comeS togetheR

So I'd figured out the names and sigils of the six demons that had been messing with my head for years. I was just about ready to take them to the fucking cleaners. This was my plan.

1. Summon each demon in turn by reading out a short evocation that would command them to leave my subconscious mind and enter the naming sigils.
2. Trap the demons by placing their sigils in a prepared mojo bag.
3. Extract the demons basic essence from this bag. This was essentially the energy that they had stolen from me during their period of possession, I visualised it as a kind of liquid superstructure. It was my intent to breathe this reclaimed energy in to six newly prepared sigils and create a set of familiar spirits that worked for me rather than against me.
4. These new sigils were the mirror image of the demonic sigils, so that the new servitor spirits I was making would become encoded with the opposite attributes to what they previously had when they were demons. Which sounds a hell of a lot more complicated than it actually was. Just imagine the original sigils turned upside down and the colours switched around.

 

Here are the invocations that I used to summon, bind and transform the little dogfuckers in to something tasty and useful :

IMAGGHT (demon)

THGGAMI (servitor)

GUOLD (demon)

DLOUG (servitor)

TACKIROPHE (demon)

EHPORIKCAT (servitor)

CATASTIFEEL(demon)

LEEFITSATAC (servitor)

VERROM (demon)

MORREV (servitor)

STRAVHAT (demon)

TAHVARTS (servitor)

• whaT happeneD wheN iT waS happeninG theN whaT happeneD afteR thaT.....

I found the actual ritual a bit complicated to perform. It was completely unrehearsed and I'd never done any ritual before with another person helping out, y'see Aloas had planned to travel to London around the time that I was looking for an AX sponsor so we'd arranged to do the ritual when she was over here.

To begin with I found it a bit awkward trying to read out the invocations, concentrate on the sigils and stay focused on what I was supposed to be doing all at the same time. And also I was a bit nervous about performing ritual with another person involved so this was a distraction until I properly got in to the swing of things. We were a bit limited for space in the room that I'd rented as well but we managed to make the best of what we had, tuning the television set to white noise and using it as an altar was a pretty fucking groovy idea we came up with on the spot.

I managed to improvise my way through any mishaps and the whole thing went quite well but without any extreme states of gnosis or anything like that. My main concern was that I might just have been 'going through the motions' and that nothing would happen. I was wrong.

Two months after the ritual my servitors abruptly woke up. All six of them made their presence known over the space of a weekend during early February. Since I performed the ritual I'd observed a definite lasting sense of release and a marked increase in personal freedom. I had thrown the mojo bag containing the demon sigils in to the north sea as a sacrifice to Leviathan on new years eve, and I had the distinct impression that my troubles were now at the bottom of the ocean with only Kutulu to keep them company if they got lonely. The ugly little fuckers were not coming back.

I'm not sure why it took so long for the servitors to come on line.
Maybe they were in some kind of gestation period and it took them a while to hatch. Who knows. But each of them just seemed to wake up and start doing their job at about the same time. I was thrown in to a completely wild prolonged gnosis and was awake until past 5am every night for 3 days rabidly trying to write down all the insights I was being hit with.

On the last day of this completely ridiculous madness I experienced a spontaneous painful / ecstatic sensation that felt like my familiars were feeding from the charged energy generated by the fulfilling of their purpose. Then later, weird inexplicable pyrotechnics above my altar during the night. Fuck knows what that was all about.

Further more I became completely convinced that the goddess Bast was attempting to communicate with me and had chosen me to write pornography for her. Which is a completely different story. I'm developing something at the moment that I like to call 'porno magick'. When I can make sense of it I'll be sure to put my experiments on line. God help us all.

 

• adventureS iN seX magicK

There were three separate statements of intent that I was trying to achieve with this last part of the rite. Firstly to overcome my negative imprint towards sex by providing a positive healthy and enjoyable sexual experience free from individual personalities and emotional baggage, second to try and gain some sense of my Holy Guardian Angel as manifested through the secret lover archetype, and third to charge a sigilised form of my magickal name Laszlo Skelton in order to bring me to an alignment with my true will.

Preliminary Invocation

My various experiments with auto writing and cut ups gave me the distinct impression that there has only ever been one sexual act. The union of nuit and hadit. The intersection of universe A with universe B to create our holographic sense of reality. The marassa at play. The big bang. All sexual coupling is an attempt to mimic this original orgasmic union. I use the phrase 'phantasmagoric sex' to describe a successful alignment with this moment of creation during the throws of ecstasy.

We visualised the removal of our clothes as a symbolic discarding of character and personality. We were no longer Laszlo Skelton and Aloas Kino but were rapidly becoming vehicles of the gods. Becoming more and more like primal forces of nature as the rite progressed and giving the divine horsemen a ticket to ride.

The sigils to be charged were painted on each others foreheads over the ajna chakra so that they were visible to both of us at the ritual's climax. The success of the rite would depend on us not making any sudden movements or having any anticipation or lust for result (result in this instance being orgasm) Everything had to be calm and unhurried. The rite would be more potent if the ecstasies were prolonged for as long as possible.

As the physical sensations slowly arose they were channelled in to the magickal imagination and used to feed and inflame a dreamlike state of gnosis. To begin with, the rite was a bit awkward and uncomfortable. I couldn't relax and my mind was flooded with past ideas and hang ups about sex. But soon we managed to get past the initial responses, relax in to the ritual and enjoy it. I soon began to perceive Aloas as a transhuman vessel for the invisible part of myself that longs to unite.

We sustained this sexual gnosis for about 2 - 3 hours before charging the sigils with our combined orgasms. The experience was absolutely and irrevocably the most profound altered state I have ever encountered, no drug I've ever taken comes any where near the intensity of gnosis I managed to achieve during the rite. It was certainly the best sex I've ever had and has provided me with a completely new and healthy sexual imprint. So from that perspective alone, the rite was extremely successful.

I'm not sure if what I experienced could be defined as knowledge and conversation of my Holy Guardian Angel, but it was most definitely a supernatural mind altering moment of illumination that exists in a space entirely outside of time. Various synchronicities that have occurred in the last few weeks have left me convinced that Aloas became possessed by the goddess Bast during the ritual, this is just speculation but I have developed a definite affinity to that goddess form recently.

Since the sigilised form of my name was charged I've observed a growing sense of relaxation and self empowerment, an ability to act more effectively and move from a point of balance, and I feel as if a certain momentum has been added to my activities in the world. In fact there have been several moments since the ritual when I've felt as if I have the entire weight of the universe moving behind me. I finished the rite with a statement of initiation which was derived from a cut up of a number of sources that are way too various to list.

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